Round Two....Time to Get Some Ear Muffs

I haven’t been here for a couple of days…I’ve been shopping. I’ve been shopping for new bed linens to go on the new kind sized bed. I was looking for a duvet cover and sheets that are gold with muddy splotches all over them…I think you can figure out why. I couldn’t find anything so I’m thinking my next business venture may be designing bedding for people with dogs.  I’ve been shopping all by myself this week but in a couple of weeks I am heading south to shop across the border with my mother. We did a two day shopping trip around this time last year  and I swore I’d never do it again…but here I am signing up for Round Two.  An experienced Black Friday shopper, my mother decided to show me the ropes. We arrived at our hotel room, ate dinner and got ready for bed early because we planned to get up at 3:00 a.m. so we could get in line for the door crasher sales.  I was ready for bed before Mother…she took a while in the bathroom.  When she emerged a while later, she had what looked like a large band-aid on her nose. Turns out it was a strip to stop her from snoring…”I didn’t think you’d want to be kept awake all night by my snoring…these stop it completely”, she said.  I’d heard about her snoring from her husband so I was happy to see that little sucker. At 11:00 p.m. we were both tucked into the king sized bed and drifting off to La La Land…when suddenly I was awakened by what can only be compared to a jet engine at take- off. I jumped up and looked around the room. There lay my mother…..snoring so loudly she’d put all the men in my house to shame.  I lay back down…”surely it’ll stop soon,” I thought…WRONG! The jet took off, reached cruising altitude and stayed there for a while…probably about 45 minutes. It then crash landed…silence! I started to drift off to sleep….”Air Canada Flight 2126, ready for take- off…” and the engines revved again. I nudged her….”Mum….you’re snoring,” I whispered. “W-w-w-what…Oh stop I am not,” she huffed, grabbing the blanket and flopping over on her side. “Thank goodness,” I thought…”she won’t snore sleeping on her side”.  The room was silent for about half an hour. I lay there in the dark expecting the snoring to start any minute….it didn’t so I figured it was safe to go to sleep. I was just starting to dream about the deals I planned to look for the following day. I was standing in the middle of a huge store surrounded by shoes, boots and purses. Before me I saw a gorgeous pair of red leather boots.  I reached out to touch the soft leather….and a buzz saw started up right beside my ear. I woke up half expecting to see Paul Bunyan in the hotel room, stacking freshly cut fire wood.  I looked over at Mother and there she was lying on her back..the strip had worked its way off her nose and was now plastered across her chin. Her mouth was wide open and she was once again..snoring.  I looked at the clock on the table. It was 2:56 a.m.  The alarm would be going off in four minutes. I got up and turned on the light. Mother woke up….”Oh is it time to get up”, she asked…”isn’t this bed wonderful..I slept like a baby”.  

This year I’ve offered to drive. I figure I’ll take a sleeping bag and retire to the SUV when I hear the engines revving.