Thursday, February 3, 2011

My Husband the Drama Queen

Why is it when men get sick they say they’re "really" sick? Really as opposed to fake? Are they implying that when women get sick we’re not "really" sick?  For the past few days I have been living with a sick man. When the cold first landed in my husband’s body it was just a sniffle. I heard him sniff a few times and he said he thought he was coming down with a "doozy of a cold." By the next day, it had settled in and taken up residence in his chest. I had come down with it also. Hubby took to his bed.  While he lounged in bed, I cared for the dogs, chopped and stacked a cord of firewood, did the laundry and cooked and cleaned. OK maybe I didn’t do the firewood part because our fireplace is electric but you get the picture.  He asked me if we had a bell. A bell?  "What for," I asked. "To ring so you can hear me when I need something…I can’t yell down to you with this sore throat," he rasped.  Oh dear Lord! I thought of asking if I should go out and buy a bedpan but decided against that, he might have taken me up on my suggestion.  By the third day, he dragged his body down the stairs and decided to lie on the couch, "to keep me company"….what?? Why did I need company? Oh wait…he meant so I could SEE proof that he was in fact hacking and coughing (and let’s not forget moaning…..oh the moaning!).  And why pray tell me do men insist on showing us the Kleenex when they blow their noses???? Do they really think we WANT to see it?  Today is the fourth day of this cold. I think he’s getting sick of being sick. He’s starting to walk around the house…correction…drag himself around the house.  He is presently propped up in a chair with the remote in one hand and the phone in the other. I think he’s got the paramedics on speed dial just in case he relapses….

Oh me? Thanks for asking. I’ve got pneumonia…not really... but figured I’d try this drama queen thing so I could see what he gets out of it.
Enjoy your weekend Folks. Make it count…we only get one crack at this particular one ;)

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Please hang up and try your call again...

Do you hear voices? I do...at least I did this morning. I was sitting here drinking my morning coffee...trying to wake up after being kept awake half the night by a sick husband and suddenly I heard a woman's voice. I strained my ears to try and figure out where the voice was coming from...was it a neighbour outside? No, it was coming from inside the house. Did I leave the TV on upstairs? Who was this woman and why was she in my house talking at 6:35 a.m.? I was about to haul my butt off my comfy chair and investigate when Remy came bounding down the stairs......"call again...." the voice was louder. As Remy bolted past me I realized he had something in his mouth. "The number you have dialed...."..it was at that moment I realized the woman's voice was coming from Remington's mouth. "Remy...drop it...Remy give it to Mom...REMY." "Please hang up and try your call again...." Yes, yes I know, lady...I'm trying to hang up the phone but first I have to wrestle it from my dog who has just realized he is now holding the prize of the day in his mouth! At that moment Rufus decided to join the party...thank goodness! I can always count on Rufus to help me. "Rufus...he's got the phone...get him,".....that was all he needed to hear. Off he went in hot pursuit his brother the thief. Remy ran around the kitchen, into the living room and up the stairs with Rufus hot on his tail. I heard them running around upstairs and then stepped to the side as they thundered down the stairs. As Remy leaped off the fourth from the bottom step he stumbled slightly which gave Rufus the upper paw he needed. He tackled Remy and pulled him to the floor giving me the opportunity to pry open out little thief's mouth and retrieve the phone. I checked the phone and saw that Remy had mouth dialed a 919 number, which is a North Carolina exchange. I'm not sure who he knows there...but whomever it is, if you're reading this....Remy is grounded..no more phone for him.