Round Two....Time to Get Some Ear Muffs

I haven’t been here for a couple of days…I’ve been shopping. I’ve been shopping for new bed linens to go on the new kind sized bed. I was looking for a duvet cover and sheets that are gold with muddy splotches all over them…I think you can figure out why. I couldn’t find anything so I’m thinking my next business venture may be designing bedding for people with dogs.  I’ve been shopping all by myself this week but in a couple of weeks I am heading south to shop across the border with my mother. We did a two day shopping trip around this time last year  and I swore I’d never do it again…but here I am signing up for Round Two.  An experienced Black Friday shopper, my mother decided to show me the ropes. We arrived at our hotel room, ate dinner and got ready for bed early because we planned to get up at 3:00 a.m. so we could get in line for the door crasher sales.  I was ready for bed before Mother…she took a while in the bathroom.  When she emerged a while later, she had what looked like a large band-aid on her nose. Turns out it was a strip to stop her from snoring…”I didn’t think you’d want to be kept awake all night by my snoring…these stop it completely”, she said.  I’d heard about her snoring from her husband so I was happy to see that little sucker. At 11:00 p.m. we were both tucked into the king sized bed and drifting off to La La Land…when suddenly I was awakened by what can only be compared to a jet engine at take- off. I jumped up and looked around the room. There lay my mother…..snoring so loudly she’d put all the men in my house to shame.  I lay back down…”surely it’ll stop soon,” I thought…WRONG! The jet took off, reached cruising altitude and stayed there for a while…probably about 45 minutes. It then crash landed…silence! I started to drift off to sleep….”Air Canada Flight 2126, ready for take- off…” and the engines revved again. I nudged her….”Mum….you’re snoring,” I whispered. “W-w-w-what…Oh stop I am not,” she huffed, grabbing the blanket and flopping over on her side. “Thank goodness,” I thought…”she won’t snore sleeping on her side”.  The room was silent for about half an hour. I lay there in the dark expecting the snoring to start any minute….it didn’t so I figured it was safe to go to sleep. I was just starting to dream about the deals I planned to look for the following day. I was standing in the middle of a huge store surrounded by shoes, boots and purses. Before me I saw a gorgeous pair of red leather boots.  I reached out to touch the soft leather….and a buzz saw started up right beside my ear. I woke up half expecting to see Paul Bunyan in the hotel room, stacking freshly cut fire wood.  I looked over at Mother and there she was lying on her back..the strip had worked its way off her nose and was now plastered across her chin. Her mouth was wide open and she was once again..snoring.  I looked at the clock on the table. It was 2:56 a.m.  The alarm would be going off in four minutes. I got up and turned on the light. Mother woke up….”Oh is it time to get up”, she asked…”isn’t this bed wonderful..I slept like a baby”.  

This year I’ve offered to drive. I figure I’ll take a sleeping bag and retire to the SUV when I hear the engines revving.

Our Halloween Bandana Photo Shoot

Run Kid...Mom's got bandanas!

I'm telling you...get outta' here now, Kid. She's got one for you too!

Like wrestling a greased piglet, but I got it on him!

How often do we have to wear these things, Rufus? Every time a holiday rolls around, Kid!

Whoa...the wind is picking up, maybe they'll blow off!

Hold still, Rufus...maybe I can get it off!

Ok fine..we'll sit still for pictures, if you bring treats out!

Treats make everything bearable!

Mmmmm salmon treats....wait a minute, Rufus where is your bandana??

Zonked!

Man....it's Hot in Here!

The photo shoot will have to wait until tomorrow…today I have a lot on my mind and I need to clear some space..so here goes...
Can someone….anyone, explain to me why oh why we middle aged women must endure hot flashes? Is it not enough that we have to grow facial hair and our boobs and butts start to race each other to see who is going to hit the floor first? Apparently not! Last night our bedroom was hot…and not because I had donned my sexy little pink teddy. No, it was because my own personal summer had kicked into high gear and the heat emanating from my body was enough to melt the polar ice cap with no assistance from global warming whatsoever. We started off with the bedroom window open about three inches. I put on a nightgown and climbed in under the covers at 11 p.m. At 11:15 the first heat wave began…off came the duvet. By midnight I had peeled off the blanket…and lay under just a thin sheet. At 1:30, I woke up feeling damp…sweatin’ with the oldies had begun. I glanced over at Steve who lay shivering in his sleep as he clutched a little corner of the sheet …Rufus and Remy were hogging the rest of it. I didn’t care….the sheet was too hot anyway! By 3:00, I had opened the window as wide as it would go and turned on two fans. I lay there exposed to the elements hoping the cool night air being swirled around the room and across my body would cool me down. At 4:15 I woke up freezing. I wrestled the dogs for the sheet, blankets and duvet and huddled under them to try to warm up. By 4:30 I was naked again. And so go my nights…and my days. The rest of my family complains because the house is freezing and the front door is open, “Put on a sweater,” I bark, “Twelve degrees is plenty warm.” What is wrong with these people? Recently, Little Darling #2 came up from his hovel aka his basement bedroom with icicles hanging off his nose and ears…”C-c-c-can we turn on the furnace,” he begged. “Why is it cold in here,” I asked, “Cold?..oh no it’s quite normal for the water in the toilets to freeze"....honestly…kids today are soft!

This is Why I Failed Home Ec...

I can’t sew.  I glue very well, however I do not sew. My grandmother sewed. My mother sews…I do not. Have I made my point perfectly clear?  Several years ago, while at an auction with my mother, I allowed myself to be convinced to buy a sewing machine. Why? Because my mother told me I’d LOVE having a sewing machine.  I have used said sewing machine twice since it was purchased. Both times were disastrous! Both times I ended up with in tears and vowing to never even look at the machine again. Oh it starts off fine…I put the machine on the table, take off the cover, plug it in. It goes downhill from there.  When I’m guiding the thread through the various twists and turns on the machine, the thread always…I repeat…always gets tangled up. It winds itself around my fingers like a snake and refuses to let go.  After cursing it and every one of its ancestor spools of thread, I finally get the thread in the proper places and I’m ready to sew. This is where we’ll pick up the story of my sewing adventure on Saturday.  I had decided to sew Halloween bandanas for the boys. How cute would pictures be, of the two of them posing in matching bandanas? That was my first mistake…thinking Remy would pose in a bandana.  But I digress…let’s go back to the sewing process.  I had set up the machine, plugged it in, threaded it, pinned the two pieces of fabric together and placed it under the foot of the machine. The threaded needle sat poised in mid-air, waiting to be plunged into the material. I stepped on the pedal…nothing. Stepped on the pedal again..harder this time..nothing.  Checked the plug…Remy had it in his mouth.  Took the plug away from Remy, plugged it into the wall…gave him a toy to play with.  OK..he’s busy, Rufus is sleeping…here we go.   I take my place in front of the machine… step on the pedal…nothing….step harder on the pedal…..nothing. Check plug..it’s in the wall..what the heck???? Oops..turn on machine! OK, now we’re cooking. I step on the pedal…..the machine springs to life, whirring…the needle goes up and down…the machine keeps whirring…then it starts  chugging….then CLUNK. That can’t be a good noise. The needle stops going up and down and just sits stubbornly in the material refusing to budge.  A big hunk of material has been sucked down into the dark hole under the machine. I open the little compartment under the machine and peer inside. There is a matrix of thread wrapped around and around all the inner workings of the machine. I start to cut it away, piece by piece. It’s slow and tedious work but eventually I get it all out. I retrieve that silly little bobbin (who came up with such a cute name for such a demonic little item?) from the place it has come to rest way at the back of the machine and stick it back in the hole in which it belongs.  The thread on the top of the machine has snapped off so I have to re-thread that too. Ok it’s all done and we’re ready to go again…I place the fabric back under the foot, lower said foot and…..Rufus is at the door, with a piece of fabric hanging out of his mouth and Remy is leaping up at him trying to get it away from him. I take the fabric away and let them both out. I take my seat in front of the sewing machine once again…I lean forward ready to guide the material…..I step on the pedal and the machine springs to life…and promptly eats the material again. At this point I look out the window to see the boys gleefully humping each other in the back yard, while the neighbour’s three year old son watches.  They’re busy…back to the sewing machine I go, determined to get these bandanas sewn so I can prove to myself and my grade 7 Home Ec teacher who told me she was going to place a warning label on every sewing machine ever made so I was not allowed to step near another one again as long as I live , that I can do this. I cut away the matrix of thread again, re-thread the machine, cut off the ragged material that had been sucked into the machine and get ready to start again. The machine springs to life as I step on the pedal…here we go..the fabric slides along as the needle goes up and down…..I’m sewing..I’m actually sewing.  My mother would be proud…Nana is watching over me from Heaven and she is proud. I am jubilant. My celebration is short lived. I hear a cackle..the machine is taunting me…it quickly gobbles up the material yet again. This time it sucks such a big piece of material into the hole that the entire machine grinds to a halt, shudders and shuts itself off.  I think this is the machine’s way of telling me it’s over. I step away from the machine and get out the glue.

Part Two tomorrow…The Photo Shoot

Testosterone anyone?

Wow...I can't believe how many people have stopped by to read my blogs. Thank you so much to all of you who have recommended it to others. To date 298 views in total and no, it's not just me refreshing the page to get the count up ;)

Today's topic....testosterone. Not mine...although judging by the fact that I have recently had to start waxing my upper lip so I don't look like Tom Selleck, I guess I have some flowing through my body. No, this is about the testosterone streaming down the walls at our house these days. As you will recall Little Darling #1 (LD#1) has returned to live at home temporarily. It took all of five minutes of him being back in the fold, for the three boys to revert to their childhood days. In the blink of an eye the bathroom humour was flying...the gross noises were being made and the giggling commenced. Seriously...when do men cease to be amused by farts??? Never, I say! One of them makes a noise that could be compared to volcano erupting and the three of them dissolve into fits of laughter...and Dad joins in, laughing until he's crying, tears streaming down his face. He often laughs so hard he sets off his asthma and he has to go puff his inhaler...over a fart??? Seriously...what's funny???? To top it off, the cats who came along for the ride with LD#1, are both males and of course so are Rufus and Remy....I swear they all join in the giggling at butt sounds and the watching of hockey. And who pray tell, keeps leaving the toilet seat up??? Why oh why must I stumble into the bathroom at 1:00, 2:15, 3:30 and 4:45 a.m. to pee, only to find my butt sitting in 6 inches of ice cold water because someone left the seat up? While we're on the topic of the bathroom, let's talk about the hair. The hair that's all over the tub, the sink, the floor...I'm pretty sure Sasquatch lives and he's in my bathroom, folks! And the smells...oh the smells. The manly scented shampoo, the manly deodorant, the manly aftershave (four different scents) all mingling in one small bathroom when they're all done in there...it's enough to choke an elephant. Now, please don't get me wrong..I'm enjoying having the boys together under one roof again. It's been wonderful to see how close the bonds of brotherhood have remained. But oh what I'd give for some girly time right about now. Anyone out there want to come over and we can give each other pedicures and wax our lips???

Make some memories this weekend folks....enjoy your time with your loves ones and if you haven't already done so...hug your dog!

Meet my puppy....Little Sir Humps-a-Lot

We've come to that stage in most male (and some female) puppy owner's lives...the dreaded hump-everything-in-sight stage. Remington has started to hump....everything. Remington humps Rufus. Remington humps his toys...yesterday he humped the table leg.  He isn't picky about where he does it...and he isn't worried about who sees him do it. He's done it on the front lawn...he's done it while we walk down the road...he's done it in Home Depot. He has no shame. Rufus isn't sure what to think of this new development but he's decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em....so now they take turns doing it. While most families are watching the hockey game or Dancing With The Stars, we are watching the boys do the bump and grind in the living room. We've tried telling them to stop. We've tried telling them to "sit", "down", "spin"...anything to get their minds off what they're doing. We've tried taking them outside and distracting them with toys. It works for a few minutes...and back at it they go. Yesterday we decided to just ignore it and try to carry on as if it's not happening. I discovered this was not an easy task when I found myself walking through the house dragging one leg....and Remy behind me. This morning things did seem to be sort of under control. We noticed there was no humping of each other... or inanimate objects. We thought our plan was working...until this afternoon when Remy jumped on the unsuspecting Purolator man and refused to let go. Oh well...just one more thing for the neigbours to talk about next time the cable goes out.

The Prodigal Son

I was one of those moms who cried when September rolled around and the kids went back to school.  While the rest of the neighbourhood moms were gleefully waving good bye to their little darlings as they climbed up the big steps onto the school bus…I was standing towards the back of the crowd with big sunglasses on so no one would notice my swollen eyes. When Little Darling #1 went off to college, I mourned for months.  The day we moved him into his dorm room, I went through an entire box of Kleenex.  Everyone told me the first was the most difficult, the second would be easier. When we moved Little Darling #2 into his dorm room at university, I went through a box of Kleenex and a roll of toilet paper.  OK so the first and second were hard but surely the third one would be a piece of cake. The day we moved Little Darling #3 into his dorm room at university, I went through a box of Kleenex, a roll of toilet paper and a bath towel. My husband started building a boat….he was sure we were going to have to row home.  I went home and sat on the edge of his bed and looked around his room. I found a sock sticking out from under his bed, picked it up and clung to it…sobbing.  The baby was gone.  Our nest was empty, the baby birds had flown the coop.  Steve tried to console me with talk of this being a new season in our lives. “We’ll be able to travel…to have our special time together,” he said. He painted such a rosy picture, that I started to get excited about the prospect of the empty nest.  My mind started to race with ideas. We would turn one of the bedrooms into a craft room.  I had been a basement dweller for years… scrapbooking by a single light bulb dangling from the rafters of the basement ceiling.  Oh the thought of scrapping above ground set my heart a flutter!  Another thought struck me…with no offspring around to make comments about my breasts racing my butt to Florida, all my inhibitions would disappear and I could embrace nudity.  I found myself doing the Dance of Joy!  My celebration was short lived…..our plans were put on hold…..they all moved back home when they finished school and found they couldn’t afford to live in the real world.  Little Darling #1 left the nest when he got married three years ago.  The other two are still here.  We drop hints….some are subtle…some are not.  We’ve sort of resigned ourselves to the fact that Little Darling #2 and #3 will be here for the long haul…but we figured #1 was gone permanently. We were wrong. Now before you go jumping to conclusions, there is no trouble in Paradise. Happily married Little Darling #1 and Darlingette have purchased a new house but they can’t move in for two weeks. Darlingette is living in their new city already because she has a job there.  She’s renting a single room….there is no room at the Inn for #1.  So home he came…along with four giant bins of clothes, a few bottles of beer and mustard…and two cats.  Rufus is ignoring the cats…Remy is not.  He has been stalking them since they arrived 24 hours ago.  This morning just as Squishy (#1 and Darlingette have some unique names for their pets) was dozing off to sleep in a sunbeam, Remy decided to practice his surprise attack move. He climbed up onto the bottom step of our main staircase and leaped…landing with a thud, just short of where Squishy was sleeping. Squishy sproinged up and ran for cover….hissing and spitting. This prompted Rufus to join the party. He ran over to Remy and grabbed his ear. Remy in turn bit down on Rufus’ tail and hung on for dear life as Rufus started bucking around trying to shake him lose. Soon the two boys were zooming around the house, knocking knick knacks and chairs flying while the two cats cowered under the table, quivering with fear.  It’s going to be a long two weeks.

It's OK.....it's an XL crate!

Remington is a terrible sleeper. In his opinion, he has way too much to do to waste time doing something as silly and mundane as sleeping...especially at night. Big brother, Rufus wasn't a great sleeper either so I'm kind of thinking it may be me who is creating these little sleepless monsters..uh darlings. Remington goes to bed with no fuss at about 11 p.m.  We have a routine...it's the same routine Rufus has had for almost two years. They go out at about 11 and while they are doing whatever they need to do, I grab two previously loved bones that have been stripped clean by Jaws and Baby Jaws. I smear a little bit of all natural peanut butter (no additives for these boys...natural all the way) in them and stuff one of their wheat free, preservative free, fat free..probably taste free cookies in each one. Once the bones are ready, I let the boys in. Rufus bounds in and heads straight upstairs to the bedroom and waits on his blanket. Remy still isn't 100% sure of the routine so he jumps around in front of me..runs part way up the stairs, comes back down, jumps around again...runs back upstairs and waits at the top of the stairs. Then as I get close to the top of the stairs, he lunges at me, flips backwards bouncing off the bookcase and runs into the crate that sits at the bottom of our bed. There he sits...smiling with anticipation at the tasty morsel he is about to receive. Both boys lick the bones clean and eat the cookie inside and then settle down for the night. See...that part is easy. It's two hours later when Remy wakes up and starts pawing at the crate door and whining that things get difficult. I get up, take him out and he pees...then runs back in and goes back in the crate with no fuss. An hour later, we're back up and we repeat the exercise...then we do it again, two hours later, we're back at it. I've tried to tell him to shush and go back to sleep but he persists and I think, :what if he truly does have to go? Could I hold it"?? I think not..especially since that last baby elephant I gave birth to kicked the life out of my bladder! So I get up with him. Some nights it's once or twice, some nights it's four times! I have tried cutting his water off after 7 p.m....he started drinking out of puddles when we were outside. The sight of my poor little dog drinking out of puddles to stay hydrated was too much for me....I caved and gave him water. So this has been my life for two months now...this waking up every hour or two for nocturnal trips outside.  I could do this when I was younger. I could function with little or no sleep. Now.... I need sleep..I crave sleep...I MUST have sleep! This is why last night I surrendered...I gave in...the thirty pound bundle of fluff won! We did the usual routine but instead of closing the crate door, I left it open. I told Remy I trusted him to wake me up if he had to go out..I begged him not to pee on the relatively new carpet and I prayed he would sleep. The bones were finished by 11:05. At 11:06, Rufus assumed his usual position lying on my feet across the bottom of the bed. At 11:07 Remy jumped up at the side of the bed and squirmed and wriggled his way up onto the bed. At 11:08, both boys were sound asleep. They stayed that way..all night. At 5:15 a.m. I woke up to Rufus once again cutting off the circulation to my legs. Momentarily believing I was paralyzed because I couldn't feel my legs, I struggled to sit up and focus my eyes in the dark. When I was finally able focus, the first thing I saw was Remy, still passed out..snoring. Eureka! It worked..I have discovered the cure for my sleepless nights. Now there is just one little problem...Steve! When he comes home from his business trip tonight, I'll have to break the news that Remy is now sleeping in his spot in the bed. I'm sure he'll understand. He has two options...he can either fight for a spot in the bed, or give up and sleep in the crate. It's a nice big crate and the fluffy blanket is really soft and comfortable..he'll be fine!

**Update** After just one night of fighting for space in the bed, Steve decided we needed a king sized bed. A brand new top o' the line beauty arrives in two weeks. Steve thinks this will give him more room, my bet is the boys will just stretch out and take up more space ;)

Have a good weekend, friends and thank you for spreading the word about my blog. It's exciting to see more and more people stopping by, thanks to you! Be happy.

I think I'll go back out...just to come home again!

I was going to continue telling you about the arrival of Rufus today, but my mind veered off in another direction. It does that...often...very often. I've always been known as sort of a scatterbrained person, but lately my brain hasn't reassembled itself after being scattered. I can be mid-sentence...mid-thought...and oops, we're on to another topic. Difficult as it may be...try to keep up, people!

This morning I went into town to run errands. I left the boys alone for a couple of hours while I ran around shopping for groceries, picking up mail, dropping off dry cleaning...the usual stuff. I hit every long line up, every slow cashier, every long red light and it seemed the rain got worse each time I had to get out of the car. By the time I got home I was soaking wet, frustrated and angry...at whom, I don't know..but I was angry nonetheless! I unlocked the door, stepped into the house and waited. What was I waiting for? Shhhhh....I heard the thump as Rufus jumped off our bed and came running down the stairs tail wagging and a big grin on his face. He jumped up on me, knocking bags flying but did I care? NO!  His tail didn't stop..he wound himself through my legs and jumped up on me again (What happened to the "off" command...our trainer would be mortified!!), and then licked my face and whined as if to say.."Where have you been, I missed you". I opened the door of Remy's crate and he launched himself at me. He hit my thighs and landed with a thud on the floor as I was knocked backwards. He gathered himself up and leaped up at me again. Someone must have installed springs in my puppy's butt because he was jumping as high as my waist...all four feet off the floor. I held my arms out and he leaped into them..a wriggling bundle of golden fur. The frustration and stress of the morning melted away as I basked in the Rufus and Remy welcome home..there is nothing quite like it! I'm thinking of going out again...just to come home again!

Jumping In (aka Is Anyone Really Interested in What I Have to Say?)

Well here we are at the start of a new adventure. I've wanted to start blogging for months but I was afraid. You may be asking...afraid of what? The technology?...putting my thoughts and experiences out there for all the world to see?...exposing myself to criticism?....lifting the veil of privacy off my life and the lives of my family? Yup..to all of the above. Until now I have lived a fairly private life. We live in a small town and have a small group of friends. They are used to me..used to my daily adventures, used to my ramblings. But is the rest of the world ready for this? We'll see. Sometimes I'll share experiences that are funny, some will show my frustration and some may be sad. This blog will be about life..the funny, frustrating, sometimes sad life of a menopausal dog mom struggling to come to grips with aging, an empty nest (some day it will be empty) and the antics of my Golden boys. If you love it..tell me..if you hate it..please don't. I'm not good with criticism. Just move along and read the Blog of someone else.

Before I tell you about today..I should share a bit about my yesterdays. I have been married to the same wonderfully understanding guy for 30 years. We have three awesome sons..one is married and living with his wife in a town about an hour from us. The other two, having obtained their degrees at university and found that the world can in fact be a cold and unforgiving place, have moved back home to live with us.  As I said..they're awesome sons...they would be even more awesome from a distance. But for now...we're all living in a small-ish house that was meant for two (plus of course the dogs). Ahh the dogs..now we get to my favourite subject. I have had dogs since time began. My husband and I have had at least one dog since early on in our marriage. We've had a German Shepherd, a Great Pyranese, a mutt we stupidly bought from a puppy mill, three Alaskan Malamutes and our two Golden Retrievers. I was also brought up by parents who raised German Shepherds. Dogs are like oxygen to me. I need them in my life. The short periods of time I have been without a dog were hard for me..empty. Just before we purchased Rufus, our third Alaskan Malamute, Shamaya passed away. She was a light in a very dark place in my life. When she died the house felt empty...the world felt cold. My husband Steve, didn't want another dog because he couldn't go through losing one again. I knew he'd change his mind and I hoped it would change quickly because I couldn't stand not having a dog. We had talked about the possibility of making our next dog a Golden Retriever. That suggestion was made by one of our boys who stated that Goldens are the the "classic old person dog". Steve was already past 50 and I was quickly approaching that golden birthday...were we old? Maybe we needed to think about this. I was online looking at Golden Retriever breeders and found one that I thought looked wonderful...but you know how things online can look one way and in reality be completely different (just ask anyone who has answered an online personal ad). I showed Steve the pictures on her site and he told me to make an appointment and we could "look". A week later we met and fell in love with Rufus' dad and his mom and had given the breeder a deposit. We loved our breeder instantly..and three months later that wonderful woman changed my life when she handed over a little bundle of gold fluff that was to become my heart dog..my Rufus.